Sometimes the biggest battle that I fight is the one within. Sometimes I struggle with the "awe poor me's", or the "when is it going to be my turn?" These are short lived situations, but they sneak up from time to time.
I can't count the many wonderful people who have prayed for me and my health over the past 15 years. I've been anointed with oil. I have hands laid upon me. I've watched as others have been healed, but not me. I've questioned my own faith walk from time to time. I've questioned God's existance. I wondered what I could have done wrong to be punished so. In my head, I know none of this is true. And most of the time, I truely believe. I believe in God. I believe that I will be with Him someday. But sometimes, I am weak.
Today, I am weak. I have worked so hard for the past 15 years to gain control of a body that has been out of control for over 20 years. I have done everything that I've been told by more doctor's than I can count. I've studied so hard for a college degree with the high hopes of finding the magic answer to what ails me. I was held prisoner to a PICC line for a year, never seeing the results that were expected. Today, as I sat in the doctor's chair for 2 hours, getting a much needed infusion of iron, I was blessed to speak to yet another beautiful lady plagued by several illnesses, including Lyme disease. Her Lyme disease did what mine was supposed to do. It has gone dormant. I spoke to another lady being treated in the chair for her ailments, but he Lyme disease responded to treatment and completely disappeared. I spoke to a woman who was so sick with Lyme disease, that a year ago she couldn't even speak, much less move. She has a working dog that helps her with her life skills. That's how bad she was. WAS. Yes...today I am feeling a little bit sorry for myself.
Why didn't it work for me? Why hasn't God seen fit to heal me? What lesson am I missing?
On most days, these questions do not enter my mind. On most days, I can remain positive. On most days I fight.
Today is not one of those days......